Playing Safely in BDSM:
A Beginners Comprehensive Guide
BDSM, an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism, involves a wide range of erotic practices. The essence of safety within BDSM lies in mutual respect, consent, and communication. Here, are practices that ensure a safe BDSM play experience.
- Scene Cognizance
Before engaging in any BDSM activities, participants should be fully aware of the scene they are entering. Importantly starting with,
Negotiation – This is a critical conversation held before any scene, where participants discuss:
Limits what is absolutely not acceptable
Preferences what is desired or enjoyed
Safewords signals to pause or stop the scene
Fantasies
Past Experiences
Medical Issues that might affect the scene
Safeword: A vital pre-agreed word, set of words or phrase that, when used, stops the scene immediately. Safewords are always respected. “Red” is often considered as the universal safeword.
A series of Safewords may also be employed, i.e. “Green” everything is OK; “Amber” getting close to their limit; “Red” stop immediately.
Sometime humorous or unconventional words like “Pineapple” are used to break immersion for urgent communication.
- Post-Scene Dynamics
Subdrop: After an intense scene, a submissive might experience a physical and emotional down-turn due to a drop in endorphins and post-adrenaline rush. Signs include:
Feeling down or sad; Physical tiredness or exhaustion; Feeling overwhelmed; Hunger/Low blood sugar.
This can be mitigated through:
Aftercare: The process where the Dominant or Top ensures the well-being of the submissive or bottom. Involving:
Physical comfort – cuddles, warmth
Emotional support – reassurance, talking
Practical care – hydration, food, rest
Follow-Up – a call or message a day or two later can help check on the well-being of the player
Note: Dominants also need aftercare. They might feel drained, depleted, physically and mentally tired or exhasted, so rest, quiet and a period of self-assessment are important post-scene.
- Safety Philosophies
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