An Interview With Mistress Sidonia von Bork Pt 1

First published in Secret Magazine December 2005 – Issue 28

How did you get started in the BDSM scene?

I’m totally open and unashamed to acknowledge that my earliest leanings were definitely, though not exclusively, submissive. As a teenager, I don’t think I was in any way mature enough to be or enjoy the dominant part of an SM relationship. I do believe that in order to really explore ones dominance you first need to have a fair amount of life experience and sexual encounters – both straight and pervy. It takes years to have the practical knowledge, confidence, understanding of male sexuality and your own desires to be in total control of another person. I loved being sub, I threw myself into it. I did everything and had the most fantastic time but got to a point where I felt I had done everything. I now know that this submissive beginning is not an uncommon route for many women who later become dominant. I was submissive from my early teens up to my early twenties, then there was a switch period and around my mid-twenties I became completely dominant in my tastes. I worked as a Prodom for over ten years. I have had three 24/7 Mistress and slave relationships each one reaching a little further than the last in their intensity. With each I have grown in my abilities and discovered more about my desires. How did I start, well, like most fellow perves, it was just in me. There was no internet then and so discovering others who shared your interests was a complicated process of finding and joining underground and clandestine members clubs. I started attending, meeting people and playing.

Do you enjoy dressing the part of a dominatrix? From what I’ve seen on the website, you prefer leather to dress up in, but you also show a vast collection of rubber. What do you prefer and why?

An essential element to every scene is my costume, I am a voyeur, I love mirrors, I love the way I look, the way the slave looks. The visual aspect of a scene is part of its eroticism. The ritual of dressing myself before a session, the transformation into the darker side of myself where I am becoming ready to take on the power and mantle of a Mistress. I adore all that is excessively feminine, dramatic make up, painted nails and long hair. I like to use my femininity to ensnare men, the supposed weakness of the fairer sex is the best way to capture their minds and control them. The clothes pamper my senses and indulge my dominance, they make me feel powerful and sexy and prepare me for the oncoming liaison. This is when I concentrate my thoughts, tune into the dominant part of my psyche, and let my mind run to where I want to go, where I shall lead my ward. This is never a fixed script, simply ideas that I let take over, for often the scene will dart off in a completely different direction.

I don’t specifically like one costume over another, it just depends on my mood or what’s new in my wardrobe. I have always been drawn to leather. It’s primal, it makes me feel feral and wild – leather is so fierce. It ages and lasts. When a leather garment sits on a hanger it always looks rather uninteresting as it’s a material that needs a body to bring it to life. Leather slowly moulds to the shape of your body like a second skin. Leather is definitely my preferred fetish attire. This is not to say I dislike rubber, I think rubber is the ultimate in flattering fetish wear, it immediately glamorizes you, the way that rubber shows off the shape of your body, the way it makes your skin appear so smooth and sleek.

I also love the smartness and gravity of uniforms. I like to wear straight business suits, high heels and glasses, (which I usually wear in everyday life) they allow me to connect to the real world. Plus to dominate men in ordinary clothes, (without the customary uniform of the Dom) to throw off the conventions is appealing and can make it more exciting. I also like to wear pervy clothes under my straight clothes. I like corsets and Victorian costumes. The final touch to dressing is always the shoes or boots. I have a particular love and fetish for platforms (as all women should be on pedestals) because of how they exaggerate the shape of the shoe, they accentuate its natural curves and add height to the heels.

I have a fetish for hoods and masks and love to hood my slaves (the feel of leather between my thighs is quite delightful). Hoods take away their sense of individuality and turn them into nothing more than a creature for my pleasure, nameless and faceless, there for me, an extension of me. On an outing a slave should be dressed up, he’s merely an appendage, like a matching handbag.

Can you agree with the notice that a good dominant should also know what it is to be a good submissive?

I generally believe it’s always a good idea to try everything, to try being tied up, try being whipped, experience everything because you never know what you like until you have tried it. I think that some of the best doms have been or tried at playing sub. Being on the receiving end gives you an insight that you could never possibly understand while you are the Dom, of the reality of handing over power and responsibility to someone else. It is a complicated paradox of wanting to please your Dom and take and do everything they wish but within your limits, needing to feel safe and ultimately respected. You also gain an invaluable understanding into the technical aspects of what works, of what are realistic expectations. You understand the difference between what can be pleasurably painful and what is just downright uncomfortable and distracting; and how pleasure can turn to panic in an instant. So while you don’t need to be submissive – to experiment and to experience is always good. This applies to sexuality in general – there are hundreds of things to try, why not experiment and keep an open mind.

I have often mused on the fact that the important distinction is not as to whether you are the Sub or Dom but whether you are straight or pervy. This is because the roles of Sub and Dom are co-dependant, ones need the other to exist, so in a sense they are one and the same. This is because whilst being submissive, part of the experience is identifying with the power the dominant has over you, a kind of emotional empathy and vice versa for the dominant party.

When a sub presents them to you, what do look for the most? His imagination, fantasies, …? You have a vast collection of fantasies like face-sitting, arse licking, extreme BDSM, strap-ons, cock & ball torture, military & prison scenes, clinic play, watersports, etc… what do you prefer to do most? (if possible elaborate answer, not just “spanking, please… also the why?)

For me domination is ultimately psychological, the CP, WS, SM, bondage etc., i.e. the physical aspects, are just sidelines or tools for me as a Dominant. It’s the getting into someone’s mind, the control, the taking them over that I find exciting and a turn on. I like to train or break slaves to my will or seduce men into my power. In some ways it’s like a dance that I am engaging in or an elaborate game of chess. When a slave first presents himself to me the endless possibilities are exciting. So basically someone who is open, with whom once I have built up the trust, is going to let me take them on a journey, and is able to let go. Most slaves are arrogant enough to think that they know what being a good submissive is, so most will never experience the heady delights and pleasure of completely submitting themselves to another person. When it happens it is thrilling for me and for them. When someone presents themselves to me, as their Mistress I feel honoured, by offering themselves and their submission up to me it is their biggest gift, something very precious, something I must nurture, take care of and develop.

As for which of the technical aspects of a session I prefer, I have explored different things, I have had many phases. I am keen on elaborate bondage, having my victim totally helpless and at my mercy. But also mental bondage, seducing a man or psychologically overpowering them. I’ve always liked using a strap-on cock on guys, I like the role reversal, the power of being able to enter another person and take them over. (Especially if I have a vibrator on underneath.) Do I have penis envy – certainly not, I have loads and mine stay hard all night. I love heavy uniform type torture and humiliation scenes and have a cruel imagination, I want to totally break down my captive have then totally at my mercy and in my power. I also love Watersports as a form of humiliation, but also for its erotic and sensual qualities.

I’ve interviewed Sardax and saw some special drawings done especially for you. What is your relation with him and how did these drawings come to be?

I consider myself an artist, if anything the creative and artistic side of me is a greater part of my identity than being a dominatrix. Being a Mistress is not the entirety of my life. So I have always been drawn to fellow artists in the fetish world of which there are many. From personal experience the scene draws very many creative, imaginative and intelligent individuals.

I collect erotic art and have a huge collection with many originals – including works by Jan Saudek, Vince Ray, Incubus 6, China Hamilton and of course Sardax. Given that Sardax’s style does have a special appeal to women and its main subject matter revolves around femdom, I guess it was inevitable that we would meet. His sense of the darker side of femininity is particularly interesting, I also love his attention to detail, the muted colours, their other worldliness and of course his sublime imagination. Together we worked on a few ideas and he used me as a muse in a number of paintings. One piece I love is a portrait of me standing in front of a pathway leading to a door – an image I now use on the first page of my personal website www.SidoniaBork.com. Doorways offer the possibility of something new, something wondrous but mainly something unknown. Another painting by Sardax I adore is a version of me in a similar pose and costume to the famous Pre-Raphaelite painting of Sidonia von Bork (by Burne-Jones) that is to be found in the Tate London Gallery. Ms Bork was one of the first femme fatales and the painting was based on the 1849 novel of the same name by Wilhelm Meinhold. And of course, more apparently, my namesake – the pseudo-name I have taken for my dominant persona. So it has a special fondness and meaning for me.

First published in Secret Magazine December 2005 – Issue 28